bbcovert@juno.com

Now that the hectic holiday schedule is over, it’s time to take stock of your homeschooling experience. January offers a slower pace for most of us -- a chance to catch our breath and mull over both good and bad experiences. Is my chosen method of education working? How are my children faring? How am I faring? Am I worn to a frazzle? Does it display itself in my manners - or lack of them?

One of the leading complaints against homeschoolers in general is a blatant disregard for manners. How can this be? I trust that the majority of us are indeed mindful of both our manners as well as those of our children. Even so, there can be fifty good apples on a tray, but it’s the one bad apple that will draw the most attention, wouldn’t you agree?

Manners are important to me. I enrolled my children in a manners course when they were young, recognizing that good manners are a stepping stone to success. I wanted to be sure that my children’s behavior wouldn’t cause others to think badly of Christians, or homeschoolers, or minorities. I didn’t want a lack of manners to hinder their walk with God, who tells us that Christians should "each esteem other better than themselves" [Philippians 2:3].

What does a lack of manners look like? First of all, it lacks a friendly face. It lacks common courtesy words such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ It often reveals itself in gossip and complaints. Now, there is nothing wrong with a well-worded complaint about a significant problem. I’m speaking of the "I-don’t-like-your-ideas-and-think-you-should-let-me-run-the-show" kind of complaint. A homeschooling mother of seven (a friend of mine) holds a cooking class for homeschoolers. This year a young mother has pecked at her about using a different cookbook, another kitchen, a different time, and has broken class rules about not bringing toddlers to the class. She has also brought containers and helped herself to a family-sized dinner portion of the presented food that was for sampling, leaving nothing for the teacher or her family to taste! She often talks to their support group president about the way she thinks the class should be run, as if the president had some say-so in how the cooking lessons are taught. When my friend finally got the courage to confront this young woman in an e-mail, the woman sent her an apology -- that began with "What’s your problem?" Now I ask you, would you ever want to work with homeschoolers again after that kind of experience? Not me!

If in our hurry to complete our errands and get home to put supper on the table, we are curt with store employees, we leave them feeling that we believe that our time and our wants are more valuable than theirs. If we demand special treatment and reduced costs because of our educational choices, we come across as self-righteous. We set a bad example for our children. We will be talked about behind our backs. The cause of Christ will NOT be furthered by our example.

Whenever you are around others (and even within your own family), be on your best behavior and kindly teach and expect that same behavior from your children. And if you just can’t muster up any good manners, please save your shopping and errands for after public school hours. That way you will blend in with the crowd and not be pegged as a mannerless homeschooler. Those to whom manners matter will genuinely appreciate your efforts.

Happy homeschooling!

Copyright 2006/2007 by Brenda B. Covert